back in brooklyn

gracie bialecki

Back in Brooklyn, when I’m nice and tidy
I’ll sweep the corners and make sure nothing’s hiding.
I’ll pick up the pieces, stop breaking glasses,
mind the sharp edges, smooth out my rough habits.

Back in Brooklyn, I’ll be boxed up tightly
and I won’t climb the walls to see what you’re hiding.
I’ll keep my head forward won’t even look sideways.
Minding my confines like I was brought up in blinders.

Or back in Brooklyn, could be filed down flatline
and I’ll fly under the radar binding my time.
Wear clear gloss or varnish and play my cards guarded.
Smile through my white teeth when you don’t believe me.

‘Cause back in Brooklyn, know you all conspire.
Got me toeing lines like a back circus act on a rigged high wire.
But I don’t clown around when I’m out in the wild.

Some days my mood’s black as my coffee.
You get in my way I’ll push you down off me.

Some days my eyes are green like emeralds.
Want it more than I pretend to.

I see your smile full of diamonds.
But we both know that nothing’s timeless.

I’ve been out there in my white dress and my white debt.
Dancing like we never met, through promises you never meant.
Both our time could be better spent
than small talking while our jaws are clenched.

I keep changing the subject. We never get off it.
My loss is your profit. I sold all my options.
It’s always your money that’s doing the talking.

Unless you’re out pushing pills by the palmful.
Saying don’t count them, just swallow.
And I’ve been dancing for hours, in dark rooms, might fall down.
No. It’s always your money that’s doing the talking.
Til I’m off it.

Back in Brooklyn, I’ll mind my manners.
Stay down low just like your standards.
Don’t know how, but always manage
to make the most of what you’ve damaged.

I’ve been sleeping sober and having nightmares.
While you’re haunting my daydreams in a way that’s not far.
And I keep looking around me like how’d I end up back here.
You try to move on every day it takes years.
And I’ve got this weight on my shoulders.
No, wait. It’s all over.
But I’ll find my way forward, up shale banks and boulders.
I’ll never act older, grow up like you told me.
‘Cause I’m young, and I’m selfish, and
I just don’t care.