Never say never

october horoscopes

Photo: Emily Pederson

Photo: Emily Pederson


Don't let anyone tell you there's anything wrong with owning and wearing the same shirt for twelve years. But when they call out your need for new socks and underwear, listen. This month, take the money you would have spent on overpriced drinks and buy the things you really need. Maybe that's a plant, or a nose-hair trimmer. There's always a better way to do whatever you're failing at. Figure out why it's taken you so long to consider that.


What does your lobby say about you? It might say you're hot shit – that doesn’t mean anyone else knows it. This month, work hard, work out, and pay your rent. As Miley says: “It’s the climb.” Maybe enjoy it for once. As a general matter, don't dip into the emergency credit card. That's a guideline, not a rule: you might consider an exception for your Halloween costume.


Remember that thing you said you wanted to do? Forget all about it. Build a diorama of your childhood room and stage a finger puppet play to explore what's really been going on with you. This month, figure out what you should have done last week and do it this week. Consider moving somewhere with more direct access to the water. Hold hands with the next Sagittarius you meet. Sweaty palms aside, it might just be worth it.


It’s that time of year, Gemini. No more excuses: clean your apartment. Don't just sweep – a deep clean. Consider a mop, or meeting someone who owns one. Why do all of your friends look at you like there's something on your face? Or more importantly: why are you so convinced they're looking at you like that? This month, buy a new, more flattering mirror. Install it on the ceiling above your bed.


Love’s on the brain. You know it, your crush knows it, everyone that knows you knows it. But your risk-averse nature is not doing you any favors in this area. This month, restrict your movement to a smaller-block radius. Find a way to cook so excitedly that you worry about setting off the smoke detector. Avoid thoughts of all the dishes you'll never eat, the dogs you'll never meet, the distant relatives you'll never know exist. Life's short, but that's no excuse for measuring it.


You’re on fire, so this month, "keep doing you." And don’t look so down – remember, there’s nowhere to go but up. This month, don't over-salt. Treat your friends better than you have in the recent past  – bring back some of that early childhood generosity. Let yourself get soft if you need to. Sometimes it’s too painful to keep up with looking cool, and that's fine. It's going to be okay.


Last month was a doozy. The good news is AI technology is advancing faster than anyone expected. Whisper your hopes and dreams to your computer, and wait. While you do, consider bringing arts-and-crafts back into your life. Some people are only as good as their last meal. You? This month, you're a star no matter what. Adopt that pet. Go blonde. 


You know better than anyone: there’s no time like show time. You’re going to be, as they say, a stah. YouTube’s popular again – maybe this is your moment too.


Acting tough might be a big part of who you think you are, but this month, write down your secrets, fold them up, and leave them all over the city. Remember: if it was going to happen, it would have already. As you prepare for Halloween, don't forget to treat yourself. Avoid as many tricks as you can. They are, after all, for kids.


Even the family favorite can feel a little sad sometimes. As hunting season creeps up on us, keep in mind what's most important: wear orange. Film yourself three days a week. This month, don’t worry about anybody else. Chances are, whoever they are, they're doing enough worrying for the both of you. If you're using the word "innovation," stop it immediately.


Hey! Is this thing on? Sorry, it’s just been a little hard to get your attention lately. No one holds that against you, but this month, try a little yoga. October is all about giving, so write down all the things that are bothering you and swear to never speak of them again. Instead, commit to using that conversational energy to tell someone new that you love them, every day, but only if you mean it. Then find a way to mean it.


Some of your friends are concerned you've been spending too much time online. What feels on-brand for you isn't always or, maybe, ever what's in your best interest. This month, use your inside voice and fewer swear words. The best part about finding a solution to a years-long personal problem is that you have a lot more time and energy to think about other things. Is it so much to ask that you get your shoes repaired? Sandals season is almost over. Winter isn't quite here yet, but sooner or later, it's coming.