Illustrations: Sean Suchara

Illustrations: Sean Suchara

September Horoscopes

forget me not



This month, don’t lend out anything you wouldn’t mind losing forever. If you feel like you’re living on borrowed time, stop sleeping and start meeting new people. The better you feel, the less well behaved you’ve probably been recently. But you know you. This feeling doesn’t last. Sooner than later, you’ll be shoulder to shoulder again with the masses. Try to enjoy that too.



The longer the delay between the first time you say hello to someone and the last time you say goodbye, well, the longer you’ve known each other, at least as far as face-to-face encounters go. But you already know that faces aren’t everything – there are people you think about daily whose eye color you can’t recall, whose voices you remember only for the way they pronounce certain words. This month, forgive, forget, and forgo small pleasures while holding out for the big ones.



This month, consider going blonde. Here, you stop, abruptly pulled out of the horoscope – you already are blonde, and this horoscope, despite its zodiac alignment with your birthday clearly doesn’t apply to you. And if you aren’t blonde, the preceding sentence has ruined the magic for you just as irrevocably as for your fair-haired compatriots. Whichever disillusioned category you fall into, take this opportunity to remember that there was a time before your hair was something to maintain, when it was more than the possibility of reinvention.



You’re not interested in reforming anyone, let alone yourself. That’s fine, that’s at least okay, and at a minimum it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Your dignity, you say, is not for sale. And yet: consider the time you have spent on Instagram this year, and in the small years we’ve just blown through. This month, when weighing menu options, prioritize what will be best for your heart.



A shift in focus doesn’t mean have to mean changing priorities. It doesn’t even have to mean doing less of what you’re doing now. It means deciding to have a series of conversations with yourself that result in a particular type of feeling – familiar but not encountered since before you were this current version of yourself. Sometimes the past jostles us like a dog making its way through the crowd. You can almost feel its fur, its wet breath. This month, pet it.



Few have ever finished a game of monopoly, but that is how the market economy works: whoever has the most money when everyone else is too tired to keep playing wins by default. It’s hard to believe, but rents are coming down. This month, renegotiate  whatever arrangements are dragging you down. Divide responsibilities. Share.



Are you too much in awe of the facts of your life? You wouldn’t be the first. It feels like a spell, almost. You cast it once and here you are: in a particular apartment, with particular people, having the recurrent thought that maybe there was another way after all. But there wasn’t. This month, dig a hole and keep digging.



More people have forgotten you than you can imagine. One day, whether you’d like to or not, you might end up on the front page of a newspaper. Whatever it says, frame it. Know that it means you existed in the popular imagination for at least a brief moment. This month, don’t be taken in by the horrific idea that September is January Two. Consider extending the summer, hanging it all up for a while, giving it a rest.



The end of the story is rarely as satisfying as the beginning. You hate to see it: a falling out between siblings, or even lovers, over something as innocent on a decade-long bet on the outcome of one parent’s second marriage. This month, try to force yourself into the plot of better story, the kind with consequences that don’t feel pre-ordained. Make a pact. Keep it.



You may have forgotten already, but late last night you may have had one of the more meaningful experiences of your life. Perhaps you were sleeping, and dreamt you were a child again – only this time, you did it right. Or maybe you gave yourself permission to fall asleep. In the ensuing revelatory afterglow, avoid plastering the obnoxious smirk of the would-be enlightened on your self-satisfied mug. This month, keep in mind that some experiences can – and perhaps ought to be – one-time-only specials.



This month, act too quickly to remember what you’re doing. Is it a novel you’re writing, or a salad recipe? Are you starting a book club, or an alternative to the postal system? If you do it fast enough, it won’t matter.  This month, be rigorous in the single-minded pursuit of fun. Whatever arguments can be made against it, there are few things more appropriate than a good time when you feel as depleted as you have been recently.



Your vision is failing, or have you not noticed? The little black crumbs that appear in the early hours, the bright spots when you close your eyes. Avoid searching for your symptoms online – try instead to savor sight, the way things look. It’s so easy to forget about color and light. This month, don’t.