June Horoscopes

Future Foretold Edition | Illustrations: PETE GAMLEN

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You exit May feeling lost, finding neither solace nor solutions in films of the aughts and their manic pixie dream girls. Follow the current where it takes youyou are, after all, a water sign. When Neptune, your sign’s ruler, enters retrograde on the 18th, seek out alternate means of fulfillment and relaxation. Foster a ferret, perhaps? Or buy a fern and name it Fern? Possibilities abound. But be skeptical of the brochure you’re handed by a young man on the subwayhe doesn’t have the answers you seek. WebMD, on the other hand, just might.



That box of Crayolas is calling your name. This month you are fertile, as in FULL OF IDEAS. Put that burnt sienna or robin’s egg blue crayon to the page and draw your dream bungalow. When Mercury joins Venus in your fourth house on the 13th, bring some of that vision to your living space. Follow the Marie Condo folding method, make room for change, and so on and so forth. Host a dinner party and invite strangers, as long as they aren’t too strange.



As Nicki Minaj once wisely said: “I’m feelin’ myself, I’m feelin’ myself, I'm feelin' my, feelin' myself, I'm feelin' myself, I'm feelin' my, feelin' my, feelin' myself.” This month you, too, move through the world with ease. Friendship and romance are in the airas well as your bare limbs, which you should coat in SPF and bask in the sun. There’s a new moon in your second house on the 13th; you can’t see it, but howl at the sky anyway. It bodes well for fresh pursuits and a summer of self-discovery.



We forecast new a business opportunity (and a slice of birthday cake). Start that Etsy shop or short story collection, and be open to outdoor activities. Climb a mountain like it’s a molehill. Have your cake and eat it too. Don’t check your Fitbit: How do you feel? Following weeks of success and the summer solstice, the Sun enters your financial house and with its rays, à la Tom Haverford, declares: “treat yo self.”



Something foreign approaches this month: A trip abroad? A new lover? A close encounter of the third kind? Whatever it may be, say yes. With the solstice, the Sun enters your sign on the 22nd: Exult! It’s summer! Stay out of your shell. Mars will go into retrograde as the month closes, so try to keep your cool, temper and temperature wise, until the end of August.



Start the month off by taking some time for yourself. Read a confounding book that’s over 800 pages and isn’t titled Infinite Jest. While summer is a social season, you won’t be ready for its overabundance of rosé until Venus enters your sign on the 14th. Friends will flock to you: choose your companions wisely. Being the center of attention isn’t always a good thing, except in that dance class you should sign up for. There, you’ll almost certainly shine.



Your long-held dream of becoming a soccer player (despite your inability to kick a ball) returns full force this month. Channel that energy into coaching those around you, and yourself, into being active, both physically and creatively. On the 28th, a full moon joins Pluto and Saturn in your fifth house and reminds you to get out more. Also: You’re watching too many YouTube videos! Why are you doing that? Those rabbit holes will only lead further away from loving yourself and into the Internet abyss.



Neptune is in your house of health this month. That doesn’t mean what you think it means. Healing comes in all forms, like swimming in salt water or playing Settlers of Catan among friends. Call that cousin you’ve been meaning to and ask for their spinach dip recipe: that, too, can heal the soultrust us. If you focus on self-care, you’ll emerge from June full of clarity, which will carry you swimmingly through the Mars retrograde that begins at the end of the month.



Mars, your co-ruler, is going into retrograde at the end of the month, so now is the time to apply for that job you’ve been secretly eyeing. Make business cards with a serif font. Go to your friend’s weird tropical-themed work event. Network, network, refuel yourself with passed hors d’oeuvres and a virgin piña colada, and then network some more. On the 14th, Venus will enter your tenth house, meaning more Instagram likes than usualthe perfect time to set that thirst trap you’ve been considering. Godspeed.



This month, you will have a premonition. Tell no one. This psychic vision of your future is for you and you alone. Trust your gut, and feed it pasta. Share that pasta with a partner, especially after the 22nd, when the Sun joins Mercury in your eighth house, allowing for further understanding and closeness. Great barriers can be broken over a bowl of carbs. Add some basilit is the start of summer



You’ve been overly reactive lately. It’s time to reassess how you respond to your loved ones, and, in the meantime, redirect your fiery energy elsewhere. Acupuncture or punching an inanimate object may be called for. Perhaps a vibrantly-colored stress ball would be of service. The Sun will enter your seventh house, the house of relationships, on the 22nd: use this opportunity to become a better listenerto others, yourself, and podcasts.



You’re concerned about the downfall of diplomacy and the seeming unavoidability of dating apps. We get it. On the 14th, Venus will enter your house of relationships, meaning one of three things: you will either be brokering peace, beginning or reinvigorating a relationship, or finally pressing send on that that you up? text. Clear eyes, full heart, can’t lose: It’s a quote from Friday Night Lights and it’s true for you. That’s also a show you should add to your Hulu queue.